Pet Peeves, Things that Grind My Gears and General Things that Irk Me….

People who do not follow the laws of the bathroom! If three of the four stalls/urinals are unoccupied in the bathroom DO NOT use the one right next to the one that someone is already in/using. And don’t forget the courtesy flush!!!

DO NOT come into work early JUST to use the toilet. That's what your bathroom at home is for.

Bums who feed the pigeons. Excuse me! But aren't you asking for food for yourself? How can you spare some for the birds? If you can't walk in the shoes don't wear them!!!! Don’t squeeze a size 12 foot that’s as wide as a tennis racket into a size 5 pump!!! Your flippers are too big for the sexy Manolo Blahnik!!! Wear the orthopedic Oxford instead. When "grown women" skip around, clapping their hands, singing like a 5 year old. When you ask someone a question and they answer everything but the question you asked. When funny looking people or people that can't dress tell YOU that YOU look funny or can't dress…... Meetings or training sessions scheduled 12:00PM to 2:00PM. When I am supposed to eat lunch? Crazy starrers. But they’re not just staring. They’re probing. They are squinting to see you as clearly as they can. And then they get offended when you stare back and so they give you a dirty look. Who are they to covet you in such a way? This calls for a stare off and even though the starrer is crazy, DO NOT back down!!! When you pull a string, thinking it's a lint ball and you pull a big hole in your pants. People who step on your ankle. People who go off their meds. People who make at least $30,000.00 more a year than me and do not know how to do anything for themselves!!!!! When an Executive Inquiry needs to be completed and the person assigned to work it suddenly becomes deathly ill the day the EI is due and it is left to the fool “analyst” in duty but not in name or salary to resolve. When you ask someone how their sick relative is doing and instead of a simple “A lot better, thanks” or “It’s been touch and go, but I know they’ll pull through” or “Not good” or “They’re on death’s door” you get a verbatim recitation of the patient’s medical record with CPTs and ICD-9s included. People who have to announce every move they make: “All right people, my lap top is with the Help Desk to get wiped.” “All right everyone, I’m putting my pumps on. I can’t wear sneakers at work.” WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?!?!?! When you look and feel your worst and you see the person of your dreams walking oh so dreamily down the street in your direction looking as dashing as ever. When someone in Production Support, the area that maintains the Problem Logs, asks YOU if a Problem Log has been closed!!!!! I know it’s difficult losing a parent. I still miss my dad eight and a half years later as much as I missed him right after he passed away. It’s always sudden when a parent passes even if they’ve been sick for years. It’s worse when they are somewhat young. Young as in less than 90 years old!!! When a 97 year old dies – the world shouldn’t stop!!!! 97!!!!!!!! She was older than half the buildings in Center City. I never met the 97 year old woman’s daughter who happened to work at my company at one point while I was still in elementary school. We have 9,000 employees – I still haven’t met all of them yet. Why do I have to sit and listen to stories about my co-worker’s old, retired manager’s mother? Why should I even be told about the passing? Am I hard of seeing? Do I have no mirrors in my house? Why do some people insist, INSIST!!! on telling me I need a haircut? I can see that I need a haircut. I want to let my hair grow out!!! If you ask me for help and I give you the answer, don’t keep questioning me about it. If you don’t like what I said, ASK SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!! “My one twin daughter dated for a few weeks the cousin of the roommate who was in a Biology class with the boy that was killed at Kutztown University. My daughter is very distraught. She had to stay home from school this week.” GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!! That would be like me taking a week bereavement because my nephew knew a Marine killed in Baghdad. People who speak bout their children as if the kids are descended directly from the Lord HIMSELF. You’re kids are not that great!!!! Accept it!!!! Especially the 12th grader who has been suspended for showing up to classes drunk and her twin sister (the 11th grader) who has been in and out of rehab so much that she got left back a year. If you don’t want something that is stated in an email to be read by others, THEN DON’T WRITE IT IN AN EMAIL!!!! If one is so busy that cannot pull a simple report of claims for the month of July for a small client, how do they have time to stand behind me and stare and wait for me to turn around to ask me if I want a stale pretzel?!?!?!?! If I tell you that ONLY the HARD COPY street address has been changed, why the H would you ask if this includes ELECTRONIC!!!!!! It’s electronic!!! There is no street address for electronic submissions!!! Asking me what I am doing for the weekend is ok. I’ll also ask you back to be courteous. However, I DO NOT want a minute by minute breakdown of what you have planned from when you leave work on Friday until you plan to head for bed on Sunday night. I DO NOT CARE!!! I only asked to be nice!!! Don’t start off your reply with, “Well, let’s see, tonight…” Just say the most important thing you have planned. That is all that is required. If you cannot stand on your own accord without holding the wall – get a wheel chair or some crutches!!! However, if you are going to walk with a cane, at the very least, humor us and let the cane touch the ground at least once every 60 steps. When someone speaks to me about how they have no friends in this company. If you have no friends, why the heck are you confiding in me, since you obviously feel I am not your friend? If you tell me that you have no friends in this company and I say “I am your friend,” and then you say, “No, I mean actual friends,” why should I be expected to listen to you cry about your family and former friends when I am at home, relaxing watching a nice movie? If you offer me something to eat and I say “No thank you” that means I don’t want any. Yes, it is rare for me to turn down offers of food, but it doesn’t mean you have to ask me three or four more times and “No really, take one” or “Every one else tried.” I am 34 years old. If I don’t want to do something, like go out after work to Happy Hour, then I am not going to do it. No matter how many times you tell me I should go. No matter how many times you try to pull peer pressure on me. What is this, High School? Do I have to do what every one else does? Why do some people have to walk around stomping their feet? We don’t all need to know you can walk in those ugly shoes!!! DO NOT make a donation to ANYONE in my name! I am not that generous!!!!! Why oh why must some people call me to confirm that they received a text message when they replied to me via text and I answered back? If you are going to sit at your desk and cry and scream about how much you hate your job so that everyone hears how unhappy you are, then don’t be offended if someone calls you miserable. If you just learned today how to do something and I am the one who taught you, don’t try to tell me the best way to do it. If I work 30 feet from you on the same floor as you, why would you send me something interoffice? If you are so “deep” in thought that you can’t say “Hello,” don’t be upset when I stop saying “Hello” to you. On the other hand, one “hello” or "good morning” a day is sufficient the first time I see you that day, not EVERY time I see you that day. DO NOT pick up every single piece of paper at the printer!! Not all of them are your prints. Why do I always get the ice cubes that have things frozen in them? Why do I always get the ice cube with the schmutz on it? When you ask someone a question and they give you an answer that has nothing to do with what you asked. Example: Q: Is your system moving slow? A: I’ve been here since quarter to seven. If you think you can train the class, then why are you a student? In the morning, when the day is just beginning, let me get my darn coat off before you aggravate me and start bombarding me with questions!! The Lil' Ol' Man sitting behind me has chronic Bordetella of the throat that causes him to cough and hack all day!!! All I hear is cough, cough, clear throat, sneeze, wheeze, clean nose, cough, hack, cough, wheeze, clear throat, gag. He needs a new set of lungs or to be put out to pasture or made into glue. We’re short on supplies, so one lil’ ol’ man being turned into glue would save us hundreds of dollars. The Lil' Ol' Man also clips his brittle, green finger nails at his desk. When someone thinks they are smarter than they actually turn out to be and in reality are just fractions of a point away from being classified as a slow adult. Low talkers who want to chit chat with you all morning, but get angry when you ask them to repeat what they said because you can’t hear them. I am fet up with reading lips!!! Gigglers. Is everything really that funny? Maybe you should be in the group home with the other gigglers knitting pot holders. When someone three cubes over starts talking to you, but doesn’t call you by name. They just start rambling and then expect you to acknowledge their rambles. Why do people you don’t know want to show you pictures of their newborn grandchild? And by newborn, I mean the head as it makes its way out of the birth canal. I don’t want to see that!!! When the drip tray on the water cooler is filled and starts beeping while you are in front of it, do the right thing – empty it!!! Don’t let it overflow!!!! The hiss laugh. When people who have been with the company less than two months try to tell me about Corporate Policy!!!!! No matter how many times you mention today is your birthday, I am still not going to wish you a “Happy Birthday” if I don’t like you. I am really tired of people (practically strangers!!!) asking me to buy them food or to give them some of my food. I am just tired of it. People who have lake houses (the same yutz from the three above), yet beg for and try to mooch food from everyone. People who walk in the street instead of on the sidewalk that get angry with you when you skim them as you drive by. Walk on the sidewalk!!! That’s what they are for!!! If you walk in the middle of the street, be prepared to roll with the hit as you get run over. If I ask you a simple question through text message, then that means the answer is simple and doesn’t require a 20 minute phone call. Just answer YES or NO!!! Squinters. If you have poor eyesight, then wear contacts or glasses or even a monocle! But for the love of the Lord, stop with the squinting!!! Elevator Etiquette: (1) Mouth breathers in the elevator who reek of cigarettes and coffee first thing in the morning!!! Breathe through your nose!!! No one finds that funk appealing! Next time you make me nauseas, I may just vomit on you! (2) When people have to pack you into the back of the elevator!!! There are 5 more elevators coming in the next minute. Wait for one of them. (3) When the elevator gets to your floor and you say “Excuse me” to the people blocking you in and they don’t move. You say it again and they stand there, as if you are at fault because they blocked you in. Finally, you have to push your way out and bump a few people out of your way. Who are they to not move? Who are they to make little groans because you bumped them around? Who are they to speak about you in a negative way as the doors close? (4) People who hurl themselves through the elevator doors and then realize it is not their floor. Why don’t they look? (5) If you have “claustrophobia” and cannot ride an elevator with other people, then don’t come into a skyscraper during peak, rush hour office hours when the elevators are packed!!!! (6) If you want me to hold the elevator for you, at the very least, make some type of effort to get to it somewhat quickly. Don’t drag your feet. (7) That’s right. I WAS pushing the door closed button. (8) I am not an elevator operator. Don’t say to me, “18th Floor” when you are right next to the buttons and I am in the back of the elevator. (9) People who have the uncontrollable need to pace back and forth while waiting for the elevator. Can’t they just stand still? (10) Pushing the button multiple times and banging on the button WILL NOT make the elevator move faster. Just relax. (11) If you choose to stand in front of the elevators on your cell engaging in a personal call that you don’t want anyone to hear, don’t give a dirty looks to those of us waiting for the elevator because you think we’re listening. Go somewhere more private. (12) Don’t use your cell phone on the elevator. No one is impressed with your importance to yourself.